You remember when you were younger with an innocent perspective
on how your life will turn out…
It’s like you sit down and imagine yourself as a superhero
and everything seems to just gravitate with illusion.
You sit by a window and pick and choose who and what you see
in your life along with color coordinated outfits and limos to pick you up
because you have indeed requested a butler to pick you up.
You envision scenarios that pertain to your conscious and
develop a script in your head of what you would like to say because you sound
cool or perhaps you rehearse lines that you’re afraid to say….
For example, when I was a little girl I use to believe I was
going to be a professional dancer because I felt unstoppable which in fact is
still a certain feeling today.
Anyway, I use to dress up in a long skirt that faded into a
yucky tan color and I figured if I twirled enough no one would see the stains
on it.
Each twirl had a count and beat it pertained to with the
tunes of my choosing, I was spectacular and an exquisite choreographer that had
a performance every single day with an audience of two people but in my head I
was performing for millions of people.
After each performance I had a standing ovation and of
course roses were tossed on my stage and I received them with appreciation.
Yes all this might sound funny but this was my cloud of
illusion and I owned it with authority and attitude….
I use to sit down and count rain drops on my glass window
and tell myself “Reyna remember this exact moment and take a picture of it” and
I always wondered if I will ever forget the picture I captured in my head but I
never did… it was a gloomy day and and I sat on my bed wondering if I was able
to tune out the world around me because it was all loud with no sense of warmth
or comfort around me.
Yup that is me, the escapist I love to dream and imagine a
whole different universe and paint pictures with pretty colors because
everything is just a moment and it’s gone whether it be good or bad nothing is
forever, everything has its expiration date so why not paint the picture with
vibrant colors?
I never want to lose my cloud of illusions because I feed
off of the hope that falls between each cloud.
Today I had a deep thought and hopped on my cloud of
illusion and envisioned me at the hospital where my grandma is now…
I sat on the cloud and floated around my grandma just
watching her as she had a conversation with God on her fear of encountering a
world of uncertainty because heaven is described through pictures, books, and
imagination but imagine being in the middle of that transition and you know
your turn is coming where you will encounter death how do you even encounter
that while leaving your loved ones behind along with everything you’ve known.
I saw her looking at the window and watched the clock to see
who was coming to visit her because that’s all she wants is to be united by
love because that is the only language that makes her feel comfortable. I saw
myself next to her bed telling her that I wasn’t going to say good bye because
I was part of her legacy and has developed a chain of gold with women of strong
genes because of her. I also asked her if she was excited to see my grandpa
again and trust me she is beyond excited to see him… this is the cloud I
floated on yesterday while I was on the beach and also at work as I roomed each
patient.
