Best therapy

I’m up and it’s just me, my thoughts won’t help me sleep. I’m sure some of you can relate. It happens when your mind is restless and something deep down inside you won’t let you sleep. Although this time I’m not twisting and turning in bed but rather writing…  Something has woken up in me and I don’t know what it is, it has made me uncomfortable, question everything and become unmotivated…  this feeling sucks but when this happens it’s like I have to rip all that I feel away and focus on the bigger picture and pray to be reminded as to why I’ve come this far. It does happen, people so don’t act like you’ve never have lost your focus or have had lack of motivation, I think my journey has taught me to be transparent to what I feel and what I want. Have you ever wanted something so bad that you are scared to even encounter it? Because so many people are looking up to you and relying on you… talk about pressure huh? Lol. I guess it’s supposed to be this way, it’s supposed to be scary, it’s supposed to push you to your limits… even the strongest people have their moments but it doesn’t mean that they are weak. Let’s give these people a break and congratulate them for being brave and stating how they feel without caring what people think… Alll I can say is...whatever you’re going through it will pass, we just need to buckle down and make this ride worth it. I say give everything that you do your 100% even if you don’t have the motivation to do so, make it a priority to be the best version of yourself.

Hi, you're not alone

Hey there it's me Reyna Valladares, CORRECTION* Reyna Johana Valladares..... 

I'm here to tell you if you are feeling alone, you are not. 

Today I feel it more than ever so there, you can add me to your list. 

I'm here to tell you if you feel as if you don't have control, that is correct you do not that is destiny's job (GOD). 

Where I am in my life I learned that in order to achieve the impossible I need to learn to let go and let God do his work, yes there are times where I cry and try not to question what He is doing in my life but I have to sit still and enjoy my ride. 

We are aloud to feel and question we are HUMANS but never let your emotions dictate your outcome so be careful, take a minute and breath before you make an irrational decision. 

Everything serves it's purpose in life so enjoy your life when there is laughter, embrace the feeling of pain and learn to grow from it, learn to walk away from anything or anyone that does not serve you well.... tsk tsk if you are like me, don't lie to yourself, be honest with yourself because you will never fool yourself. 

 

Just wanted to vent.... it's one of those days. I pray if anyone reading this can relate to me at this moment that God provides you with inner strength, love, courage, and wisdom. 

signing off: Reyna

I had to post today.....

You remember when you were younger with an innocent perspective on how your life will turn out…

It’s like you sit down and imagine yourself as a superhero and everything seems to just gravitate with illusion.

You sit by a window and pick and choose who and what you see in your life along with color coordinated outfits and limos to pick you up because you have indeed requested a butler to pick you up.

You envision scenarios that pertain to your conscious and develop a script in your head of what you would like to say because you sound cool or perhaps you rehearse lines that you’re afraid to say….

For example, when I was a little girl I use to believe I was going to be a professional dancer because I felt unstoppable which in fact is still a certain feeling today.

Anyway, I use to dress up in a long skirt that faded into a yucky tan color and I figured if I twirled enough no one would see the stains on it.

Each twirl had a count and beat it pertained to with the tunes of my choosing, I was spectacular and an exquisite choreographer that had a performance every single day with an audience of two people but in my head I was performing for millions of people.

After each performance I had a standing ovation and of course roses were tossed on my stage and I received them with appreciation.

Yes all this might sound funny but this was my cloud of illusion and I owned it with authority and attitude….

I use to sit down and count rain drops on my glass window and tell myself “Reyna remember this exact moment and take a picture of it” and I always wondered if I will ever forget the picture I captured in my head but I never did… it was a gloomy day and and I sat on my bed wondering if I was able to tune out the world around me because it was all loud with no sense of warmth or comfort around me.

Yup that is me, the escapist I love to dream and imagine a whole different universe and paint pictures with pretty colors because everything is just a moment and it’s gone whether it be good or bad nothing is forever, everything has its expiration date so why not paint the picture with vibrant colors?

I never want to lose my cloud of illusions because I feed off of the hope that falls between each cloud.

Today I had a deep thought and hopped on my cloud of illusion and envisioned me at the hospital where my grandma is now…

I sat on the cloud and floated around my grandma just watching her as she had a conversation with God on her fear of encountering a world of uncertainty because heaven is described through pictures, books, and imagination but imagine being in the middle of that transition and you know your turn is coming where you will encounter death how do you even encounter that while leaving your loved ones behind along with everything you’ve known.

I saw her looking at the window and watched the clock to see who was coming to visit her because that’s all she wants is to be united by love because that is the only language that makes her feel comfortable. I saw myself next to her bed telling her that I wasn’t going to say good bye because I was part of her legacy and has developed a chain of gold with women of strong genes because of her. I also asked her if she was excited to see my grandpa again and trust me she is beyond excited to see him… this is the cloud I floated on yesterday while I was on the beach and also at work as I roomed each patient.

You're supposed to.....

You’re supposed to feel alive everyday you wake up and I don’t mean figuratively I mean metaphorically.

You’re supposed to wake up ready with a sense of joy to start a new day....

You’re supposed to be intrigued for your OWN journey and find questions along the road that make you question your whole life…

You’re supposed to encounter crossroads and heart aches....

Sadly, you’re supposed to feel pain....

You’re supposed to jump into the fire and challenge yourself even if you’re scared out of your mind...

then surely enough you will have conquered multiple of fears.... 

You’re supposed to bump into random people that teach you a meaningful lesson at a random time in your life…

Even if the life lesson isn’t applicable at the moment but in a near future you will remember that random person...

You’re supposed to to feel on top of the world even if your circumstances say otherwise… by this you  will become powerful.

You’re supposed to fall in love with life and yourself so you can truly enjoy YOU...

You’re supposed to fall apart and feel like you’ve shattered into a million pieces….by this you will become familiar with strength. 

You’re ALOUD to feel such things.

You’re human, beautifully made and crafted to who you are today.